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Nik & Nini – A Second Marriage and Unlearnings

Nik & Nini – A Second Marriage and Unlearnings

Lesbian brides desert elopement in Tao New Mexico

It wasn’t easy. It rarely is. I had been married before and had a child. Nik was sick a lot with an autoimmune disease in the early years of our relationship. We’d both had messy breakups and broken hearts.

We broke up more times than I can count in the first two years we were together. But something always pulled us back together. And then, finally, we went all in.

We moved in together, decided to be a family, figuring out co-parenting and laundry, and then, a pandemic. We got engaged during the early months of the pandemic after I thought, if I can be stuck inside all day every day with this person and still be crazy about her, we can probably get through anything. So we bought a house and started figuring out our wedding.

We always knew we wanted a small wedding. We wanted intimacy and we wanted it to be about just the two of us. Not having to worry about anyone or anything but each other, about celebrating what we have, which is a truly boundless, ecstatic, silly, beautiful, resilient love. The pandemic made it easier to say, sorry everyone, you aren’t invited, no one is invited, and saving ourselves that stress was absolutely the right decision for us.

So we decided to get married in New Mexico, where Nik is from, on the exact day of our fifth anniversary, August 14th. Taos has always been special to us and has this magical, expansive, breathless quality that we loved. And so we wanted it to be there, in a field of sage, with the mountains and the endless southwest sky behind us. It was everything we could have dreamed it would be. There were five minutes of a downpour after we finished our makeup and then nothing but sun, breeze, stars, and the most magical sunset. We kissed and danced and laughed and kissed some more. I made a charcuterie board, and we drank champagne from the bottle. We didn’t need anything else.

Getting to where we are now feels like a dream and is one of the things I’m most proud of in my life. We’ve unlearned so much of what doesn’t need to be. Chaotic, dysfunctional, one-sided, petty, jealous, destructive. And learned what it can be—generous, kind, patient, tender, honest. I’m so excited to see where we are five years from now. All the adventures and heartaches and dreams and goals and fears and successes that unfold.

It’s the greatest gift of my life to find someone who loves me the way she does and who lets me love her the same way.

I remember once, early on, telling her, being in love with you makes me want to live forever. And it still does.

Photography by Kyla Fear

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