Temporary Tattoos, Fog and Sparks, and a Dayton Queer Wedding
When the world shut down, Lilly (she/her) and Sarah (she/her) finally had some unexpected time to start dating, so they swiped right. Living an hour apart and each working two jobs, they probably never would have met otherwise. Fast forward to their Dayton queer wedding at The Steam Plant, where they went dark and moody on purpose. Think a hand-built seating chart, homemade temporary tattoos, a “firefighter on break” cigar bar and a secret first dance complete with fog and sparks.
A swipe right love story and a New Year’s Eve rooftop engagement
Our love story started in May 2020 with a fateful swipe right as the world shut down and we both finally had some unexpected time on our hands to start dating. Between each of us working two jobs and living an hour apart (Lilly in Dayton and me in Cincinnati), we probably never would’ve met without the Covid-19 pandemic. We like to think of our love story as a silver lining.
Prior to this, we both bartended for years and connected immediately over our shared love of a good drink. For our first date over FaceTime (again, Covid), we enjoyed each other’s favorite wines: Lilly’s a Pinot Noir from her home state of California and mine a Nebbiolo from Italy. This was the start of many wine nights! For our first in-person date, Lilly (a true meat aficionado) made me, a 20+ year vegetarian, vegetable coconut Thai curry, a dish we have continued to make and enjoy over the course of our relationship.
Our love story may have started in a scary and confusing time, but it blossomed as the world opened back up and we were both able to settle into a life we love together. Lilly changed careers and achieved her goal of becoming a firefighter, and I found my home in nonprofit work. Today, we love to pick a new place to travel every year, and our favorite pastime is a date night out to a new local restaurant or bar. Meeting and falling in love in our 30s, we often talk about how grateful we are to the universe for giving us such a fulfilling life that we used to dream about.
We got engaged on NYE, exactly at midnight, on a rooftop in Cincinnati with a couple of close friends. Our engagement was the perfect amount of time for us, because we knew we wanted to plan a very personal and intentional wedding and we didn’t want to feel rushed into making any decisions. We went back and forth on the big wedding or an intimate elopement before we landed on the former. Although both felt special, we really wanted to be surrounded by the people we love most as we entered into this next phase of our lives. With the majority of Lilly’s friends and family in California and mine in Cleveland, we also wanted to give everyone plenty of time to make travel plans, since we knew it would be a big ask to have them make the trip to Dayton.
Wedding planning spreadsheets, 10 venue options and a running budget
The wedding planning experience was stressful at times because you don’t always know if you’re making the “right” decision, especially if you find yourself deep in the wedding side of social media. However, we really had a vision for our big day that we saw through.
We stayed organized with more spreadsheets than I think we ever thought possible or expected. Since we started out unsure if we were going to have the wedding in Ohio or California, we made one that included 10 different venue options and the key amenities we wanted, like an outside gathering space, two getting ready suites and being walkable to hotels. Once we made a decision, we made a budget spreadsheet with anticipated costs and kept it updated as we booked vendors and purchased items, so we always knew our running commitment against our budgeted total.
Task-wise, Sarah communicated with all of the vendors, confirmed details and planned the different events of the weekend. Lilly is incredibly handy and creative, so she executed the majority of the DIY projects, including the seating chart, temporary tattoos, cigar bar and mirror signs. She also found our first dance choreographer!
Finding queer-friendly wedding vendors for a dark and moody palette
We attended one wedding vendor show, but mostly we found everyone on social media! We knew we wanted to lock in a photographer ASAP, and Sarah had her eye on Tully Floral Design from the start because she knew she wanted a sustainable floral option.
With our love for the beverage industry, it was really important for us to be at a venue that would allow us to bring in our own alcohol and develop our own cocktail program. It was also important for us to make sure vendors were not only queer-friendly, but truly allies and excited to work with us.
We also knew that we wanted a more dark and moody wedding color palette and wanted to work with vendors that were comfortable executing this vision. The most nontraditional choice was to go down the path of more dark and moody vs. bright and light. From the beginning we knew that a lot of the traditional wedding colors didn’t fit what we wanted, so we wanted to stay true to ourselves, our style and what felt the most “like us.”
Lastly, we prioritized vendors that had previously been in our venue, The Steam Plant. With how crazy we expected the day to be, we wanted to make sure everyone would be comfortable working in the space, especially our photographer, Sarah Babcock Studio.
DIY wedding ideas: mirror signs, love notes and homemade tattoos
A handmade invitation suite
Our invitation suite was honestly a much bigger undertaking than either of us realized. We printed, cut, Mod Podged and glued every envelope liner, designed all three cards with the wedding weekend details, and put them together with hand-cut lace and velvet ribbon. We also specially ordered Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Betty White stamps. We designed our ceremony programs and menus too, including gluing on all the bows by hand.
Mirror signs
Lilly designed and applied all of our mirror signage! This also took way more time than anticipated, but we loved how it turned out! Plus we have our welcome sign over our fireplace now. She made the designs in Canva and printed everything with a Cricut.
Love note table numbers
We put love notes over the years on our table numbers! This was such a special touch that we received so many compliments on. Lilly’s dad walked around the whole room and read every single one.
A statement seating chart
This was definitely the largest project, but we knew we wanted a statement piece for the ceremony and cocktail hour. Lilly built the three boards with help from a friend. We added trim to the two side pieces, painted them black and then applied wallpaper. The letters in the center were made with a wood laser cutter, we determined the mirror placement by mapping it out ahead of time, and the lights were battery operated.
My getting ready suite overlooked the outside ceremony space, and while people were arriving, I was able to take a moment for myself and watch everyone come in and see how blown away they were by the seating chart. So many guests used it as a backdrop for pictures.
Temporary tattoos
This was a massive hit! We designed and printed temporary tattoos on tattoo paper at home. We couldn’t have a wedding without Britney Spears and a Twilight reference, plus the many more tattoos that were special and unique to us, such as Lilly’s college rugby team, a shoutout to the app that brought us together and, of course, Lilly the firefighter saving a kitty.
A wedding weekend, a black feather robe and a candlelit first look
Since almost everyone traveled to attend our wedding, we decided to have a wedding weekend! Friday night we had our rehearsal dinner, followed by a welcome party with a classic rock playlist and a slideshow of all our friends and family. Some friends and our moms gave a speech. Following the wedding, we had an afterparty at the hotel bar and a brunch at a local brewery.
For the wedding, our goal was to make it as personal and meaningful to us as possible. I wore my mom’s sapphire ring, the diamond earrings of my aunt (who passed away when I was in high school), and an anklet with an “L” on it for Lilly. I got ready in a black feather robe, our moms got ready with us, and we gave handwritten notes to all of our wedding party, plus custom gifts for our parents. Our siblings were at our wedding parties and gave a speech. We asked our wedding party to wear black, but whatever style made them feel the most comfortable and fabulous.
My first look with my dad was such a special moment, with both of us way more emotional than expected. He was so surprised when he opened his eyes to see me right there! Our first look as a couple was also magical, in the basement surrounded by candles. We were both feeling so overwhelmed with the day leading up to that moment, but once we saw each other it felt like all the stress melted away. We love looking back at these pictures and remembering how genuinely happy we felt in this moment.
A Dayton queer wedding ceremony with the most compatible vows
We wanted to each have our own entrance with our wedding parties, but Lilly also wanted my entrance to be the main entrance. To make this happen, our wedding party walked in first to Simply the Best, Lilly walked in to Birds of a Feather, and then the officiant requested everyone stand before I walked in to Like Real People Do. It was also important for us to have both of our parents walk us down the aisle. We knew we wanted live music, so we had our friends Tiff and Chris sing and play the acoustic guitar for the ceremony and cocktail hour.
We wanted the ceremony to be personal, with intentional little touches. We had our friend who had a front row seat to the start of our love story officiate the ceremony, a unity candle ceremony with our moms, and a poem recited by a close friend.
We also shared our own vows, a very emotional moment for both of us. It was also such a memorable moment because, without knowing it, we made the most compatible promises probably ever. I’m always anxious when leaving the house, so I promised, for the rest of our lives, to always ask Lilly if the stove is off, front door locked and air fryer unplugged. And when it was Lilly’s turn, she promised to always double check the appliances and front door before leaving the house.
A choreographed first dance to Stickwitu with fog and sparks
At the reception, it was also really important to both of us to personalize our music choices. During dinner, we curated the song list with oldies, Motown and tons of Fleetwood Mac. For the parent dances, Lilly and her dad aren’t really slow dancers, so they jammed out to More Than a Feeling, a favorite of her dad’s to play with his band as the drummer. I picked Let It Be Christmas by Alan Jackson, a song my dad absolutely loves and always requests for people to “actually listen to the lyrics.” We even had red and green uplights to set a festive mood. Following this, we surprised our moms with a dance! We wanted to make sure they felt just as loved and appreciated.
For our first dance, we had none other than Stickwitu by Pussycat Dolls, a true millennial love song. We did a choreographed dance complete with fog and sparks, which we kept a secret from everyone! We absolutely love to look at everyone’s faces in the exact moment the first sparks went off. Then we ended the dance by inviting our wedding party onto the floor to surround us as we finished with a kiss. We also had a gender inclusive bouquet toss and invited everyone to the dance floor that wanted to participate.
At the end of the reception, Lilly ended up with the mic and brought down the house by rapping a Bay Area classic, Kreayshawn’s Gucci Gucci, in its entirety. It is so fun to look back at these pictures and to see everyone so hyped up. This was truly a perfect touch. Then we had a final dance with the two of us, to Stay High by Brittany Howard. I sobbed the entire time.
A wedding cigar bar, buckeyes and a full circle coming out moment
Outside of the program, we also had a ton of unique and personal touches throughout the reception space: the table numbers with the love notes, homemade temporary tattoos and specialty cocktails. We are also huge bourbon fans, so we had a friend curate a “bourbon experience” for our guests with some of our favorites. Along with cocktails, we also had a cigar bar aka “firefighter on break.” Last minute we ordered twice as many cigars, and it was a good thing we did because they were a crowd favorite!
For dessert, we had a friend make our cake and include a little figurine of our baby boy and little prince, Walter Clay. He also had a cocktail named after him, Walter’s Wake Up, an espresso martini that naturally included a picture of him in a crown. Along with cake, we had a dessert bar with our local favorites! Kettle corn, donut holes, brownies, and buckeyes, oh my! The popcorn was so popular people called dibs on the leftovers and started running away with the bags at the end of the night. As a late night snack, we had “raining pretzels,” and these were also a massive crowd pleaser. Lilly’s niece was over the moon.
It was an absolutely incredible night, and we have been filled with joy to hear from everyone not only how much fun they had, but how the night had the best energy. It was everything we hoped for and more. We loved all of our vendors! The florals were outstanding, the live music was incredible, and the live painting from Antler & Oak Live Painting took our breath away. We are so grateful for everyone that made our day so special.
I didn’t realize it until about a month before the wedding, but to the exact day 10 years prior, I was in a gay bar in Chicago with my sister and my friends in the wee hours of the morning. As one of my favorite Britney songs came on, I drunkenly leaned over and came out to my sister by asking if she thought the family would be at my wedding one day if I married a woman. What a full circle moment to have my question answered on the exact same day a decade later. We are truly living our dream and I feel so grateful every day.
Advice for couples planning a DIY queer wedding
I don’t know if it is the best advice, but whatever your initial budget is (especially if you are new to the wedding world), expect it to increase. And if this is not an option, make sure you price out ALL of your vendors before you decide to book, and look up the most detailed budget worksheet you can find. Ours included everything from the videographer to vow books, and the caterer to a wedding emergency kit.
To manage the budget, we DIYed where we thought it made the most sense and researched vendors and decor extensively before making a final decision. I would also try to avoid impulse buying right after getting engaged as much as possible. I bought so many things right after we got engaged out of excitement that we ultimately did not use.
Captured by Sarah Babcock Studio
Caterer Elite Catering and Events
DJ The Legacy Event Group
Dress Boutique Bridal And Formal
Florist Tully Floral Design
Hair Stylist Shear Hotness
Live Music Tiff and Chris
Live Painting Antler & Oak Live Painting
Rental / Decor Floral V Designs
Rental / Decor Prime Time Party and Event Rental
Suit Designer Pursuit
Venue The Steam Plant
Videographer fli photo and video
Wedding Planner Blush and Bloom
Wedding Rings Point No Point Studio
