IVF and Parenthood: Starting a Queer Family in Australia
Starting a family can feel like diving into the unknown, but for Jess (she/her) and Lauren (she/they), it unfolded in the most aligned way. Jess always knew she wanted to be a mum. Lauren knew she didn’t want to carry a pregnancy. Together, they landed on a path that felt natural. With four rounds of IVF, a supportive clinic, and plenty of laughs about too many pillows in their bed, this couple is now preparing to welcome their daughter.
How did you decide who would carry your baby?
Jess: I’ve always wanted to be a mum. When Lauren and I met, it was clear she never had the desire to carry. It worked perfectly because I felt like I was born to do this.
Lauren: From the beginning, I knew I wanted Jess to experience pregnancy, and I’ve loved supporting her through it.
What was important to you when choosing a fertility clinic?
We wanted somewhere that didn’t just put a rainbow sticker on the door but actually understood queer families. Two of our family members had gone to this clinic, including another lesbian couple, and had success. That felt reassuring. From the start, we felt welcomed and never out of place.
Can you share your IVF journey?
Jess: We went through four rounds of IVF. It took about nine months before we fell pregnant, which ended up being my lucky number. Thankfully, we didn’t face big setbacks, but we often felt there wasn’t much information about next steps or how we could do better.
How has pregnancy been for each of you?
Jess: Honestly, I’ve had it easier than I expected compared to some stories I’ve heard, but I underestimated the changes my body would go through. It’s been such a learning curve.
Lauren: Watching Jess grow our daughter has been incredible. I’m so proud of her. She has taken on so much, and knowing she’s growing a part of my favourite person makes it all the more special. My only complaint is that Jess and her mountain of pillows have taken over the bed. Pro tip: buy a second bed early!
What was it like having Martine photograph your maternity session?
We’re not the type of people who love being in front of the camera, but Martine Payne Photography made us feel completely relaxed. We wanted something organic that captured who we are at home. A friend connected us since their family often work with Martine, and she did exactly what we were hoping for.
How are you preparing for parenting roles?
Jess: I’m looking forward to all the little things. Those newborn crunches, learning her personality, and just finally having her here.
Lauren: I probably romanticise the monotony, but I’m really looking forward to early morning feeds, sitting in the recliner by the heater with our cats around my feet, while Jess sneaks a little extra sleep.
How do you approach societal expectations as queer parents?
We focus on seeing our family as just like any other. We’re confident in our queerness and don’t mind correcting people when needed. The main thing we’re firm on is shutting down the idea of calling either of us “daddy.” That doesn’t fit our family at all.
What advice would you share with other LGBTQ+ couples starting their family journey?
Jess: Don’t be afraid to go for it. We often put these things off out of uncertainty, but it’s not as scary as it seems.
Lauren: Supporting your partner is huge, even in small ways. Research, buy the baby gear, and sometimes a simple $20 Coles bouquet makes a tough day easier.
Photography by Martine Payne Photography
