Starting Our Family After IUI Loss and an IVF Journey
Some places hold entire chapters of a life. For Katherine (she/her) and Casey (she/her), Spence Cabin in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park is one of those places: the backdrop of their wedding, the spot they revisit often, and now the setting for their maternity session. Reuniting with Leah Moyers Photography felt natural, like returning to someone who had already witnessed a defining part of their story.
Tell us about your love story.
We met on the very first day of undergrad when we were assigned as chemistry lab partners. We gradually became friends, and by our third year we started dating. We were both majoring in animal science with the same goal of becoming veterinarians, so we followed each other to veterinary school and beyond.
How did you decide to start a family?
For us, our family really began when we moved in together and merged our animals and our lives. We always knew we wanted kids, but we waited until we were finished with internship and residency and felt more financially stable. We did a lot of research on our own, then met with a fertility specialist to get started.
Katherine had always wanted to carry a child, and Casey fully supported that. With Casey’s job being more physically demanding and sometimes dangerous, it made the most sense for Katherine to carry.
What did you consider when choosing a sperm donor?
We knew we wanted the donation to be anonymous so there wouldn’t be any personal conflict with someone we know. At the same time, we wanted a donor who would allow our future child to contact them someday. We didn’t want to limit decisions for a child who had no input in the process. We chose someone with the characteristics we hoped for who is open to contact once the child turns eighteen.
What was your path to conceiving, and were there any challenges along the way?
We started with IUI because it was cheaper and less invasive, though sperm itself is surprisingly expensive. Looking back, we probably would have taken more time to learn our cycles before jumping in, but we were excited to start. We got pregnant on the fifth try, which is actually average, but the pregnancy wasn’t viable. At our seven-week ultrasound, the heartbeat was too slow and the fetus looked abnormal. Because of our state’s complete abortion ban, we had to wait until the heartbeat stopped before we could have a DNC. It was horrible and unfair, and the delay made everything more traumatic.
After that, we moved on to IVF to lower the chance of another genetically abnormal pregnancy. It meant injections, medications, an egg retrieval and months of waiting, but our first embryo transfer took right away. Now that little embryo is almost nine months along.
How has the pregnancy felt for each of you?
Katherine: As the gestational parent, it has been physically and emotionally draining, and there is always the fear of something going wrong after experiencing a miscarriage. I just try to keep in mind that it will all be worth it.
Casey: As the non-gestational parent, it has been such a privilege to watch and support Katherine as she carries our child.
What was it like having your family photographed, and how did you choose your photographer?
We chose Leah because she photographed our wedding, and we always felt so comfortable with her. She was proudly LGBTQ friendly when we were looking for a wedding photographer, which felt brave and important to us. Going back to her for our maternity photos was an easy choice, especially since we wanted the session in the same location as our wedding, which is still our favourite place in the world.
What support systems and resources have been most helpful during this journey?
Our fertility clinic has been one of our biggest resources. They gave us so much information, confidence and encouragement throughout the process.
Our family has also been our group of cheerleaders. Everyone has been really supportive and excited to grow our family with us.
How do you plan to balance parenting roles and responsibilities?
We plan to share everything equally. Neither of us is taking on a specific “mother” or “father” role. We just want to be supportive, loving and encouraging parents together.
What are you most looking forward to?
We are really looking forward to meeting our little girl Earth Side and showing her all the things we love. We can’t wait to take her camping in the Smokies, watch her discover animals and go on family vacations together.
Do you have any advice for other LGBTQ+ couples starting or growing their family?
Our biggest advice is to communicate about everything, good and bad, and be clear about your hopes, limits and expectations before you begin. Talking to a fertility specialist early and understanding your personal cycle can make a huge difference.
Give yourselves grace. We assumed things would be easy because we were young and healthy, but there were still bumps in the road. If it is easy for you, be grateful. We are grateful every day for this pregnancy and do not take a single moment for granted.
We also learned that many people, LGBTQ and not, struggle quietly with fertility or miscarriage. It is something you don’t often see on social media, but as we shared our story, so many people opened up about theirs.
Photography by Leah Moyers Photography
