Caviar Bumps, an Incredible Hulk Shot, and a Baltimore Lesbian Wedding
Tashira (she/her) and Nakish (she/her) met on a lesbian dating app after 40, when neither of them was looking for a long-term commitment. Their Baltimore lesbian wedding at Collective Spaces brought their “Harlem Nights meets Harpo’s Juke Joint” concept to life as a feast for the five senses, with copal incense, caviar bumps, a live cellist, and an Incredible Hulk shot led by their officiant. Along the way came a gown pivot five days out and a surprise on the Hippodrome Theater marquee.
Meeting on a lesbian dating app after 40
Honest to God, neither of us was looking for a long-term commitment. Love arrived at the perfect time. We found each other after 40, in a season marked by peace, clarity, and self-acceptance. Our relationship defies timelines and expectations, reminding us that true partnership often comes when the soul is ready to receive it.
We met on a lesbian dating app. What began as messages through the app turned, in just a few short weeks, into sweet text messages and long phone calls. We bonded over our shared love of travel, our families, and the uncanny realization that our lives had been circling the same spaces for years, crossing paths, sharing proximity, yet somehow never colliding. Different moments, same orbit.
There was no pressure and no pretense, just curiosity, laughter, and a sense of familiarity that felt both surprising and grounding. What was meant to be casual slowly became intentional, and before we realized it, something steady and meaningful had taken root.
Our love didn’t arrive all at once. It unfolded. It grew through shared experiences, mutual respect, and the choice to keep showing up for one another. What began as a chance connection turned into a partnership built on trust, adventure, and the quiet understanding that sometimes the best things find you when you’re not looking at all.
A 15-month engagement and wedding planning by date night
We were engaged for 15 months. At this stage in our lives, both over 40, we didn’t want to wait another moment to stand in front of our friends and family and declare our love. There was a sense of urgency, but also confidence. We knew what we wanted, and more importantly, who we wanted.
Given the political climate, even before the election, we also didn’t want to leave things to chance or “wait and see.” Loving each other openly and deliberately felt like both a personal and principled choice.
Overall the wedding planning experience was wonderful, though there were a few stressful moments along the way, like with most weddings. One fun thing is that we were intentional about the process, taking full days or the afternoon to check out vendors and turning many of those appointments into dates and date nights. Suit fittings in New York with Bindle & Keep, dress hunting in NY, FL and NC, food tastings in Baltimore, bar tastings in Charlottesville and vendor fairs all became opportunities to connect and enjoy the planning together.
We also split the lead in different areas based on our strengths and non-negotiables, which helped keep things balanced, and our planner remained organized throughout with spreadsheets and timelines.
Choosing a Baltimore lesbian wedding venue owned by a close friend
We hired a wedding planner who is also a close friend and who happened to own the venue we ultimately used for our wedding, Collective Spaces. The venue immediately felt right: it matched our aesthetic, worked for the size wedding we wanted, and fit our budget. Locking that in early made sense and gave us a strong foundation to build from.
From there, we identified what mattered most to each of us and approached vendor selection both independently and in close coordination with our planner. As over 40 brides, we had a clear sense of our priorities, so we focused first on the vendors tied to those non-negotiables.
For example, aesthetics were especially important to me, so I took the lead on decor, invitations from Indigo Envelope, and photography and video from Marissa Rose Photography and Janelle Patillo. The bar from The Go Bar, music and the overall guest experience were top priorities for Nakish, who led those elements while working closely with our planner to bring them to life.
A Harlem Nights meets Harpo’s Juke Joint wedding theme
The concept “Harlem Nights meets Harpo’s Juke Joint” was not a theme but a declaration of heritage. It celebrated resilience, elegance, and the creative legacy of Black storytelling through design. Our goal was always to create a space and experience that represented who we are individually but also as a couple. An experience that evoked the five senses: taste, smell, touch, sight, and sound.
We used those two concepts as the framework for creating the vibe and wedding experience for ourselves but also for our guests. We worked very closely with our wedding planner and the venue stylist, Kimberly Sumner, to realize our vision.
We wanted our wedding “to wake the ancestors and shake the floorboards.” This wasn’t just a wedding, it was a full body hallelujah. It’s a feast for the five senses. Taste it. Touch it. Hear it. See it. Feel it in your soul.
Smell. Copal incense burned outside the venue, used to set the intention of love and harmony. In the venue and reception space, Maison Louis Marie No. 4 Bois de Balincourt oil was diffused throughout the space and used in the hand soap and lotion provided to guests. It’s the scent I wore on our first date.
Taste. Caviar from Caviar Dreams with champagne, signature craft cocktails, reimagined and refined Southern food in small plates from Chef Cat, and charcuterie spreads from Charcuterie Cutie.
Sound. The strumming of the live cellist, Benjamin Gates, playing renditions of R&B songs, and our DJ, Ty Alexander, getting the bass thumping and party jumping.
Touch. The love and energy. Caviar on the back of the hand to mouth. Velvets and leathers, and many textures found throughout the space.
Sight. The ceremony aisle glowed with candlelight. Emerald velvet drapes from Emerson Events framed the altar, and vintage glassware sparkled beside lush floral arrangements from Petals by Alex. Add beautifully dressed guests and live portrait drawings from Dina’s Doodles.
A last-minute wedding gown from Elegance by Roya
I had always envisioned a custom wedding gown, one designed specifically for me and the moment. As the wedding approached, it became clear that the final result wasn’t aligned with that vision, and with just five days before the wedding, I was faced with the need to pivot quickly. On a Sunday, nevertheless, when shops have limited hours.
My friend was calling around the DC metro area looking for bridal shops that allowed walk-ins or same-day appointments. They found Elegance by Roya, a boutique bridal shop in Old Town Alexandria, VA. The staff had pulled dresses in my size and had them ready for me when I arrived. What great service.
In what could have been an overwhelming moment, I was met instead with reassurance. They stepped in with confidence and care, promising that I would not only find a dress, but THE DRESS of my dreams. The gown I ultimately wore was so stunning it felt as though it had been made just for me.
All of our vendors were top-notch, very professional and each really understood the vision, the vibe and the wedding experience we wanted to create, but Elegance by Roya takes the prize. I mean, really. We were very fortunate and blessed to have had an amazing team.
A first look and gift exchange at Ulysses Hotel
We stayed in the same hotel the night before the wedding, in different rooms. This is one wedding tradition we kept.
I spent my morning dancing, drinking champagne, or otherwise turning up with my sisters and family, both before and as I was getting ready. And I had the team of family and friends help me get into my wedding gown. It literally took five people!
Nakish spent her time a little differently: a solo walk to the venue, breakfast with friends, and cocktails with some family and friends at the hotel bar.
Nakish: I took an early morning walk from my hotel to the venue (about a 2-mile walk), part nerves, part ritual. I needed to move my body, settle my nerves, and see the transformed space with my own eyes. Converting the space to our concept of Harlem Nights meets Harpo’s Juke Joint was no small feat. Walking in and witnessing the transformation for the first time was grounding. It was in that quiet moment that everything settled and I knew that Tashira was going to have the wedding of her dreams, and that was enough for me.
We both got ready at the hotel and had our first look in the lobby of the Ulysses Hotel. It was the perfect place for it: vintage, moody, and rich with character. The hotel was part of our wedding aesthetic, for sure.
We chose to do a first look and it ended up being one of the best decisions we made. Having that quiet time together, away from the crowd, allowed us to truly take each other and all of it in. It was calm, emotional and unforgettable.
We exchanged wedding gifts during our first look. Nakish had a trunk filled with gifts for me, one gift for each month from our engagement until the wedding day. The idea was for it to feel like a culmination, a physical representation of time, thought, and intention.
I presented Nakish with a pocket watch, which she wore for the wedding. But I had a big surprise for Nakish. The main gift, revealed later, was a classic convertible Mercedes, like the one Nakish rented for our proposal in Joshua Tree.
A transportation snafu
We had always planned to ride to the venue together, and we did. That part mattered to us. But a mix-up, combined with the Orioles playing the Yankees at home and our venue being right in the middle of it, meant we got stuck in traffic and arrived late to our own wedding.
Luckily, we planned for the wedding to feel like a party from the very beginning. Our guests just had the opportunity to dance, drink and eat more before we arrived.
A wedding ceremony with call-and-response and an Incredible Hulk shot
The evening opened with a welcome hour. Guests were greeted by the scent of burning copal incense as they entered the venue and were offered a glass of champagne. From there, they were ushered to the elevator and up to the fifth floor, where a caviar bump awaited anyone bold enough to indulge. Guests mingled over charcuterie and small bites, listened to a live cellist, had live portrait drawings done, and threw back our signature cocktails. This was always meant to feel celebratory, not stiff.
We wanted our wedding to feel more like a party than a traditional ceremony. Throughout the planning process, we spent the least amount of time on the ceremony itself, largely because we knew we didn’t want a lot of traditional components included. Simplicity felt right. Less was more. But also because we had full confidence that our officiant and our minister leading the prayer would understand the assignment. They exceeded every expectation!
We were each walked down the aisle by our family members. We did write our own vows. We started them early in the process, revisited them over time, and true to form, we both finished them the morning of the wedding. The words felt lived-in and honest. We even had matching vow books, which we now keep as a meaningful keepsake from the day.
We recited our vows in front of our guests and brought the same intention to that moment as we did to everything else. We wanted the ceremony to feel personal, present, and reflective of who we are, less like a performance and more like a grounding pause before the celebration.
Our officiant, Dr. Bettina Judd, invited our guests into the experience in a way that felt deeply aligned with who we are. She led everyone in a call-and-response inspired by Nikki Giovanni’s poem “The Resignation,” asking our guests to stretch their hands towards us while repeating the refrain, “I Love You.”
Later, a prayer was read by a family minister that invited guests to touch their neighbor and agree, collectively, to support us through this journey in love. It was powerful, communal, and incredibly moving.
After our vows, our officiant capped it all off by leading the guests to take an Incredible Hulk (Hennessy and Hypnotiq) shot with us before we ushered out to Chaka Khan’s “Ain’t Nobody” and a wardrobe change. After the now legendary Incredible Hulk shot, we stepped away for couple photos. As we transitioned, the cellist made way for the DJ, shifting the energy seamlessly to the real party.
Hippodrome marquee portraits and a Luther Vandross first dance
Nakish surprised me by getting a personalized message placed on the marquee of the Hippodrome Theater. The marquee read: “Now Playing: Tashira and Nakish. We Locked In, No Switching Up. This Love Runs Forever.” Posing for the first time together as a married couple under the lights and in the streets of Baltimore felt more like a scene from a movie than real life. It was a moment that we embraced each other and all the love we have to give.
The reception took place in the same venue, and the open bar continued for the duration. Our custom designed invitations stated it best: “Come Ready To Move. If you don’t sweat your perm out, smudge your makeup or leave with your shirt stuck to your back, then a time wasn’t had.”
After our wardrobe change, we entered our reception to “Preach” by Young Dolph and rapped and danced our way to the main stage for our first dance. Luther Vandross’s “Never Too Much” guided our first dance, which ended with Too Short’s “Shake That Monkey.” The reception wrapped up with a burlesque performance, and the after party commenced at Bloom’s bar at the Ulysses Hotel.
Advice from two over 40 brides on engagement length and guest lists
On timing, it was absolutely the right amount of time. Fifteen months was more than enough. Any additional planning time would have driven us both a little crazy. We were ready, emotionally, practically, and wholeheartedly.
On splitting the work, dividing and conquering allowed us to stay aligned, make thoughtful choices, and create a wedding that truly reflected both of us.
On the guest list, we wanted the wedding to feel intimate. With large families, we knew our guest list would need to focus on immediate family, while still leaving some room for close friends. We think we largely accomplished that balance, while also being intentional about creating opportunities both before and after the wedding to celebrate with those who couldn’t attend or didn’t make the final list. Our final guest list was 120.
Captured by Marissa Rose Photography
Afterparty and Breakfast Venue Ulysses Hotel
Bar The Go Bar
Caterer Chef Cat
Caviar Caviar Dreams
Officiant Dr. Bettina Judd
Charcuterie Charcuterie Cutie
DJ Ty Alexander
Drapery Emerson Events
Dress Boutique Elegance By Roya
Florist Petals by Alex
Live Drawing Dina’s Doodles
Live Music Benjamin Gates
Make Up Artist Shanndaye Pascal
Rental Company Something Vintage
Stationery Indigo Envelope
Suit Designer Bindle & Keep
Venue Collective Spaces
Venue Styling Kimberly Sumner
Videographer Janelle Patillo
Wedding Party Outfit Scorcesa
Wedding Planner Collective Spaces
